Ventilation.

I really don’t know what to say.. I mean we’ve had our ups and downs. Every relationship does. But I feel like he’s been outta control lately. Yesterday he made me mad so he thought reminding me of the past would make me happy. How it went on our first date. Our first kiss. The first time I visited him at Piedmont. I used to get hella giggly &shy when he started talking about that but yesterday the tears just kept coming. Why? Because I miss how we used to be. When I used to think he was crazy when I got 20+ missed calls from him after I got out the shower. When he used to walk from Eastridge to Great Mall just to see me, cuhs he had no bus money. Getting those 5-page-long texts from him telling me how much he loves me. How he used to say the nicest apology to me after the smallest arguement. When we used to fall alseep on the phone together &he’d sing me to sleep, never missing a night. Random outbursts of laughter that we had whenever we were together. Teasing each other without getting mad. Damn, baby what the fuck happened? Does your anger really have to come between us? The stress you have in your life, does it have to affect us too? I know you’ve always been the jealous type. Always overprotective. The first day we were together I already noticed it. But I never thought it would be such a problem to us. I was okay with it cuhs I thought that it just meant you cared. But it went from you getting a little jealous when a homeboy texts me to me not even being able to be on the computer without you assuming stupidassshit. I never thought it’d be this bad. How’d we go from being all loveydovey to fighting everynight til the morning? How’d I go from being SO damn shy to say “I love you” cuhs you’re my first boyfriend, to not even wanting to say it to you anymore? &It’s like every other night you wanna leave. Then you come back and I don’t want you back because I know it’s just gonna be the same repeating pattern everytime. But you convince me that it won’t be that way anymore so we make up. Cuhs I know that when we fight, you never mean it. I know deep down inside its just all your anger and stress built up &you’re taking it out on me cuhs you have no one else to take it out on. But if you really wanted ‘us’ to make it why do you do this to us? Why don’t you put any effort anymore? Like how you used to?.. When did it all stop? Lemme ask you this, when was the last time we went to sleep on the phone together without one arguement. When was the last time we saw each other with no anger throughout the whole day? I’m not gonna bullshit anymore. I know we’re both hurt. I know that no matter how hard we try we’re never gonna be the same way we used to. From all of our crazyass fights I know the pain is still there, for both of us. So I’m not gonna ask you to stay anymore. I can’t take this anymore, us going back and forth with each other all the time.. its driving me crazy. You don’t understand that I just wanna love you. I’m tired of fighting, tired of the stress, the arguements, tears, lack of sleep. I MISS US. This isn’t us. I love you and everything, YOU and everybody knows that. But honestly just make up your mind. If you want to stay, then stay but please no more fighting. &If you want to leave, then just go.. but please.. no more coming back.

  • 09.26.10
  • 7
  1. kcsoldtumblr posted this